Ever feel like you’ve got “nice guy” stamped on your forehead? You hold doors, you listen attentively, you’re basically a walking Disney soundtrack of politeness—yet somehow, you keep ending up in the dreaded friend zone, or worse, totally overlooked.
Maybe you’ve started to wonder: “Should I just become an ‘asshole’?” And hey, I get it. When you see the so-called jerks getting all the attention, you might be tempted to ditch your Mr. Congeniality act, throw on a leather jacket, and scowl your way through life. But before you go full-on villain mode, let’s talk about why “being an asshole” isn’t actually the solution—and what is.
Why Do “Jerks” Seem to Get All the Attention?
Ever notice how the “bad boy” or the self-centered colleague sometimes commands the room? It’s not because everyone loves toxic vibes. Spoiler alert: It’s because people—often mistakenly—equate brashness with confidence.
But There’s a Catch
- Jerky behavior ≠ High self-esteem
- Being rude ≠ Being assertive
Confusing confidence with arrogance is like thinking the Titanic was just a fancy cruise. Not everything is as it seems. Real confidence doesn’t mean stomping on others or ignoring their feelings. It means valuing yourself enough that you don’t need to rely on external approval.
The Real Problem: No Boundaries
Often, the root of “nice guy syndrome” is a lack of boundaries. You might:
- Always say “yes,” even when you’re too busy or uninterested
- Agree to places you don’t want to go to just to be accommodating (A Britney Spears karaoke night? Sure!)
- Tolerate disrespect or stay silent during conflicts, hoping to “keep the peace”
This leads people to think you’ll put up with anything, which can make them, knowingly or not, take you for granted.
Key Tip: Swap “people-pleasing” for “healthy boundaries.” It might feel weird at first (like switching from sugary soda to green juice), but trust me—it’s better for you.
So, You Want to Be an “Asshole”?
Or Do You Just Want Respect?
When you say “I want to be an asshole,” what you might really mean is, “I want people to respect me, pay attention to me, and not take me for granted.” Becoming intentionally mean or dismissive might feel powerful for a minute, but it’s kind of like eating ice cream with a fork—technically you can do it, but it’s messy, frustrating, and not the best method.
Practical Steps to Stop Being Overlooked (No Leather Jacket Required)
1. Practice Small “No’s”
If your friend invites you to something you really don’t want to do, politely decline. No elaborate excuses needed. “Thanks, but I can’t make it this time.” Boom. You’ve just shown you value your time.
2. Prioritize Your Own Interests
When you always default to “whatever you want to do,” you’re giving up your personal power. Next time someone asks what you want to watch, speak up! If you want to binge that new sci-fi show, say it. People can’t respect your preferences if they never hear them.
3. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Standing up for yourself might feel as awkward as meeting your in-laws in your pajamas. But guess what? That initial discomfort is how you know you’re stepping out of your old, passive patterns.
4. Build Real Confidence
- Try new hobbies: Whether it’s learning guitar or lifting weights, build a skill you can own.
- Improve your self-talk: Stop calling yourself the “nice guy who finishes last.” Labeling yourself a loser is like feeding a troll under the bridge—it just gets bigger and meaner.
- Invest in yourself: Take a course, read a book on personal growth, or find a mentor. When you value yourself, others will follow suit.
5. Stop Trying to Please Everyone
Being kind is great. Being a doormat? Not so much. You’ll notice a massive difference in how people treat you when you start valuing your own time and energy.
Warning: Don’t Become the Villain in Someone Else’s Story
Let’s face it: Some people say they want to be an “asshole” because they believe that’s the only way to attract attention or get respect. But the trick is to keep your kindness while showcasing your self-worth.
- Kindness + Boundaries = Respect from others and respect for yourself
- Cruelty + Arrogance = A short-lived power trip and a lot of burnt bridges
Do you really want to look back at life and realize you alienated good people just to appear “strong”? Didn’t think so.
Final Thoughts
The real key isn’t to become an “asshole”—it’s to become someone who knows their worth and won’t settle for less. You can keep your big heart and remain helpful without letting people walk all over you.
Because at the end of the day, no one truly roots for the villain. They root for the hero who finally stands up for themselves.
Ready to drop the “nice guy” label (at least the doormat version) and embrace a more confident you? Try setting clear boundaries, voicing your preferences, and prioritizing your own well-being. You might be surprised at how quickly the world responds when you start acting like someone worth respecting.
TL;DR
- You don’t need to be a jerk; you need boundaries.
- People-pleasing is different from genuine kindness.
- Real confidence is more attractive than fake bravado.
- You deserve respect—start acting like it, and others will follow.
Now go forth, be the nice (but not-too-nice) guy with a backbone!
